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By combining everything into my home page, you can read my blog, view my annual family updates, see what’s happening in my jimazing life all at one Jimazing location… Hope you enjoy it.

While I applaud Mark, I ask myself why this is a noteworthy story. Isn’t honesty one of the virtues that Christians hold dear? Rather than just fix it though, I believe we need to examine the roots of this behavior. We could try to merely change our behavior, but I think we would do well to remember what Stephen Covey had to say about our ability to change. He says that if we want to make small changes, we should address our behaviors. If we want to make huge, quantum changes, we should address our paradigms. Paradigms are the way we see the world, the maps we hold in our minds that tell us why people do what they do. Sometimes these maps are just plain wrong. (Read Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People to learn more).

We hold beliefs in our core being that tell us what to expect. Then we operate out of those beliefs and when things don’t go the way we expect, we feel uncomfortable feelings. If I believe that my cup with a lid holds steaming hot Starbucks coffee and I take a sip, anything other than that a hot coffee taste is going to make me behave in potentially ugly ways… Most mornings at work, I get a cup of Starbucks bold coffee. I like it black without any sweeteners. After I finish the my coffee, I refill the cup with water and drink that over and over during the day. Not too long ago, I got distracted for a while before I finished my coffee. When I returned to my desk, I picked up the cup, for a sip. Because the cup now felt cool, my mind (my belief) said, “This is water.” But it was not. It was cold coffee. Yuck! A classic example of my beliefs not lining up with reality.

What if I find out that my beliefs about the world (that are more important than what is in my coffee cup) don’t line up with reality? Come on, let’s be real. I do not hold all truth. There is still so much I have to learn and unlearn.

When my four daughters were little girls, they all learned the way we did things and what we believed as a family. What were our values and what did we believe about God. One by one, they became teenagers and the questioned everything… and I mean everything. That caused three things in me:

First it caused me to realize that I had never given myself permission to ask some of these hard questions. I chose conformity so I could find acceptance.

Secondly, realizing that I didn’t have the answers they were looking for, I started looking for answers. Why do I believe what I believe? When Danae challenged me on how God decides who goes to heaven, I remember reading through the entire New Testament looking for anything to do with salvation. I used a pink highlighter so I could easily review and digest what I read. The first thing that struck me was that several times, people came to Jesus and asked him how to get eternal life. His answer was different every time. If he was looking for a simple, repeatable 1-2-3 answer, he could have done better… maybe he could have printed a tract with the answer … but I digress.

The third thing their questions did in me was cause me to feel embarrassed that I didn’t have the answers they were looking for. In my mind, a good dad would have the answers. Once I remember Erin asking me a question while we were watching TV and I felt annoyed towards her. When I realized that I felt annoyed, I asked myself why in the world I would feel annoyed with her. That was when the reality hit me that I was living from a paradigm that said I have to have answers to all of the questions. As goofy as it sounds, that was what was going on deep inside of me. Once I recognized that she didn’t expect me to have the answers, I was doing this to myself, I was on my way to freedom. The next time she asked, I felt that feeling of annoyed embarrassment (because the feeling is automatic), but I quickly reminded myself that I didn’t have to know the answer. I looked at her and said, “I don’t know,” and she was just fine with that.

On this side of teenage-hood (I am happy to say that there is life after teenagers), I am still asking questions. One answer seems to lead to ten new questions. It is a process of uncovering new things all the time. Frequently the new learning challenges my old ideas. That can be uncomfortable because old ideas are like a warm blanket in a cold house (that was for you, Melody). Exposing false beliefs feels like pulling back the warm, comfortable blanket. It feels cold. So why do it? Why not enjoy the warmth of the ideas that make me feel good about myself? Because I am lazy and I would rather create a world that makes me feel good about me whether it is true or not. Left to my own devices, I will create a world that works for me. I, me, mine… That is not what I believe Jesus had in mind. When he was here, he pushed against the people in authority who created rules and social orders for the purpose of making sure they (the rulers) were ok. He wants us to have an outward focus. It is truly not about me. It is about me in the sense that God has put unique gifts, talents and strengths in me (that I am only now beginning to recognize), but these gifts, talents and strengths are not for me. I Peter 4:10 says that they are to serve others.

When we shut off questions or pretend to have all the answers, we invite pride and idolatry into our lives. We lose credibility with people who are genuinely looking for truth. And we allow (or even cause) things to come between us and God. My prayer is from Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Imagine how excited you would be if you had a daughter interviewing for Medical School… another daughter interviewing at MIT and yet another daughter well on her way to a Music Therapy degree…

Did your heart rate just go up?

Did you felt a little flutter in your belly?

Did your shirt buttons stretch almost to the breaking point from puffing out your chest?

Then you know just how I feel!

Jeanie and I just returned from Charleston where we saw Mark and Danae worshiping on stage at their church (Summit Church at CSU). Then we saw Danae performing with the CSU Wind Ensemble for a Veterans Day concert. She had three piccolo solos including the famous Stars and Stripes piccolo part. She is working so hard and having so much fun.
As I write this, Melody is in St. Louis, MO awaiting an interview at St. Louis University School of Medicine. This will be her second interview. One step at a time, she is following her dream!

I just got an email from Erin who said she has an interview with MIT! They will be flying her up next week to check the place out. She is so excited. I think the funnest thing is watching her discover what wonderful gifts she has. She has been heads down, doing the right thing for so long that she doesn’t see how far she has come. Now she is reaping some of the rewards of her labor.

I am so very blessed and so very, very proud.

We had our first fire of the season in the fireplace tonight.  Unfortunately, the fire got up inside the chimney and flames and sparks were coming out of the chimney.  It made me very nervous so I called 911 and told Jeanie and Melody to grab a few valuables and get out.  By the time the 4 fire trucks arrived (a few minutes), the flames had died down and it appeared all was well.  They checked things out and said everything was ok.  Before they left, the gave me a commendation for calling them, thanks for giving them somthing to do and a brief lecture on servicing the fireplace once a year.

Whew!  Thanks to God and the fire department.

I was just thinking about going to lunch with my sweetie. We have been going out for Sunday lunch for so many years that it just feels like it would be sacreligeous to do otherwise. I was thinking of going to K&W cafeteria and imagining the crowd we would run into on a Sunday at lunchtime. I imagine a long line of folks “dressed for church” in their pretty dresses, maybe a hat or three, men in suits or at least ties. I confess that I generalize and prejudge these folks. I don’t want to, but I do. Who are they really? What have they given up in order to feel comfortable in their nice clothes? Do they still have dreams and passions, or have they given them up in order to just get along? I remember my grandparents telling my brother and me that God expects our best, so that’s why we dress up. I wonder… doesn’t he care more about our hearts than our clothes? Do we dress up to keep from upsetting Grandma? I am sure this says much more about me than it says about this crowd of people who I don’t even know… especially since I am imagining the whole thing.

Did you ever see the far side cartooon where the two ostriches are running along together. The one is looking at the other and thinking to itself, “Man I am sure glad I don’t look like that!” Of course what makes it so funny is that they are identical. I am the one ostrich looking at the other. I may not have a tie on, but I am no different.

I think what bothers me is that I see things about myself in them that scare me. How much have I given up my soul in order to conform to a way of life in order to get a form of community? I don’t dress up for church, but I “go” to church. Why? Am I looking for a place where I fit in? Am I going to “learn” more about God? Am I going to be part of the Body of Christ?

When I look at the dressed up folks in line, I answer the question for them (which is unfair, but easier than answering it for myself). I do want community. I want to be part of the Body of Christ. I want to continually discover and use my own unique spiritual gifts to minister to the body. That sounded more churchy than I meant it to. Here’s what I mean… I believe that God made me unique. He put a unique set of likes and dislikes in me. My values, my interests, my dreams, my fears, my passions are all rolled into me in a unique way. I don’t think that was an accident. It is who I am. The things that bother me, bother me because they bump against the things I value. Those are clues… everything is a clue to find out who I am… not some existential bellybutton contemplation kind of thing, but genuinely asking who I am and why I am here. I dont’ know if any theologians would agree with me, but I believe that these are all clues to the spiritual gifts in me that the Bible talks about.

Puzzle Pieces
Finding my gifts, my strengths, my talents, my passion is a process of elimination. For me it is not trying something and deciding I’m not good at that. For me, it is a process of learning what lights me up inside. What fires up my spirit? What makes my heart do a flip? What pulls me out of a depression? I think it is a lifetime journey… like a jigsaw puzzle… sometimes I sort through a pile of pieces that don’t seem to be connected, other times one piece after another just falls into place.
Like this:

Friday mornings, I meet with a group of guys who I am on a journey with. When we meet, we “check in” with one another to see how we are doing, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I told them this past Friday that I was feeling depressed about my job. Without going into those details, I just don’t enjoy what I am doing at work right now. That afternoon, I met with my counsellor and told him about my checkin that morning, but then it occured to me that I wasn’t depressed anymore. After thinking about it, I realized that I had actually enjoyed my work that morning. I was working on understanding a technical problem and finding a solution to it. A puzzle piece snapped into place. Solving problems is something that I do well and something that lights me up.

Does this sound narcissistic?  I know that the world does not revolve around me.  I want to be an active part in making the world a better place.  I believe that the best I can be is to be who I am.  That sounds dumb, but life consists of a series of decisions… one after another.  Some will be more effective than others.  Some will just get me in trouble.  I want to be more and more effective, but at the same time, I want to live on the edge experiencing life to the full.

Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you’ll live… at least for a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM!

–William Wallace in Braveheart

While Melody was interviewing, I had a date with my creator. With no idea exactly where I was going, I found myself at Jordan Lake. It was as if I had a personal invitation and escort to this place (see the photo). Isn’t it beautiful?

I opened my Bible and felt drawn to the Psalms, but which one? Having a hard time being able to be completely serious at any given time, even holy moments… I thought to myself why not, 42. After all every Hitchikers Guide fan knows that 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything, right? As if God had to top my silliness, in verse 6 He says,

When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
everything I know of you,
From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,
including Mount Mizar.

Remember where I was… “Jordan” lake.  Imagine jousting with the one who invented jousting. It was as if He was saying, “You think you are so clever.” I wondered if he arranged that whole thing (location and psalm) just for me.

From the beginning of the Psalm, I was totally blessed. I found myself praying the words as I read them…

I want to drink God,
deep draughts of God.
I’m thirsty for God-alive.

I know how thirsty I am after a good run. That dry cotton-mouthed feeling that tells me not so subtly, “Hey, you need a drink!” I want to recognize that feeling with God. I want to know how thirsty I am and meet him where he is. To connect with his heart and share mine with him.

These are the things I go over and over,
emptying out the pockets of my life.

Emptying my pockets before him! What a picture. I sat down and started writing what I was feeling and what I desired. One thing after another, I poured out my heart. I wrote about things I was angry about, sad about, happy about… emptying my pockets.

My life is God’s prayer.
Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He’s my God.

What an awesome God. After crying out to him, he puts a smile on my face and reminds me that he is my God.

Life really is about the little things, isn’t it? Do something you’ll be glad to find in 21 years.

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.

I’m too busy to write on my blog today. I have things to do in order to maintain the things that matter to me:

• Calling loved ones who matter to me
• Time with my girls who matter to me
• Listening to Jeanie who matters to me
• Planning for the campout in October at which I will have time with my friends who matter to me
• Answering the important questions my Vital friend (who matters to me) asked
• Planning for a rough week at work where there are many people who matter to me
• Investing a little down-time watching Band of Brothers with some buddies who matter to me

What really matters? Another quote on the blog…

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

Making the world a better place matters to me. That takes work. The things that matter always take work… Things don’t get better without an investment in time and energy.

Then again, there is a concept of starting the ball rolling. There are so many things I am involved in today that began with a little “yes” many years ago. These things take energy to maintain, but many times others take over that maintenance. I say “things” but it is often people, because people really matter, not things. In essence, I “started the ball rolling” by choosing a path. In order to keep the ball rolling, I must either invest more time in keeping it going… or inspire and enlist the help of others. In other words, I can inspire others to recognize the value in what matters to me.

Here’s an example… the campout this fall. About two or three years ago in the fall, I decided that I wanted to go camping. So I invited a few friends from church and we went camping together. It was such an awesome time that we decided to do it again in the spring (notice the “I” changed to “we”). We started doing it every spring and fall. Last spring I was too busy to notice the time approaching. My buddy, Dave M asked, “when are we going camping?” Next thing I knew, we had planned a spring campout. Now that fall is approaching, we started planning another… but word has gotten out that we have a great time and others want to be a part. So this morning, we had a “board meeting” to plan the campout and propose taking it to the next level with the church and inviting all the guys.

Did you catch the “board meeting”? Others have now caught the vision and are investing with me in this camping thing. But we aren’t investing in a campout, we are investing in lives. Our hope is to make the world a better place. It’s about the lives of the guys who will be there. Who knows what will come of it.

I am reminded of what Bilbo Baggins told his nephew in the Lord of the Rings…

It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,” he used to say. “You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.

I say it is a dangerous thing to decide that something really matters. You get swept up into it and if you don’t stop investing in it, there’s no knowing what you might accomplish.

The customer was bragging about the great work Dave does. I told them that they may have come because he does excellent work. I come because he is a great friend. Dave, I am so proud to know you and do life with you. I pray that your business prospers.